A very common topic in communication I sometimes get is to turn off the theme. Everyone who has experienced extramarital affairs seems to be seeking it. This includes deceived spouses and deceived spouses. Closing can be very elusive. Sometimes it looks like the more you chase it, the harder it is to get it. People often look for it in various places. They think that if they face another woman or let their spouse fear their marriage, they will get it. They believe that when they lose weight, have the upper hand in marriage, or go through months of counseling, they get it. Some even divorced and found that they still did not. Of course, these can't guarantee it. People tend to track how long it takes. Most people I hear think they should find it now.
I might hear a wife say, "In the whole process, my number one goal has been closed. I am not stupid enough to think that I can convince myself that this has never happened or that it has already happened." I may I will never feel the pain anymore. Let me continue to live. I want to wake up in the morning and feel relatively normal. Most of them feel hurt every day. The strange thing about all this is that I have done everything I know I have to do. I have already got a consultation. I have worked very hard to rebuild my marriage. However, I still feel trapped. I don't feel closed. My friend, he said, this is totally a paradox and has never really closed. My friend lost a person she loved. She said that no matter how much time she spent, she would not feel calm about this loss. She said that this thing is similar, it will never be better, this is what you really need to close. Is she right? "
I have heard people compare things to tragedies like death. I can see the reason for the comparison. However, with death, there is no second chance. This is the end. This is tragic and so painful. With an affair, you sometimes get a second chance. If you save your marriage, it doesn't need to be final. However, I did see the friend's point of view - because it will never be deleted.
However, I don't think that erasing is something you need to close. Moreover, I think the way people define it is often why they think they can never achieve it. Let me explain [at least in my opinion] that closing is not what it is.
What is closed is not: from
I find that people tend to think that when they get this kind of closure, their life [and their marriage] will automatically be fine again. Or they think that the pain will mostly disappear [or at least significantly reduce it.] They think the slate will be wiped clean. They hope that they will suddenly regain their confidence and feel good about themselves again.
People tend to think that closure is almost a threshold that they must cross and then see a huge shift. It seems that once they take this step, everything I mentioned above will happen once. They imagined that on the day when this happened, all the weight was raised.
Why do I think closure is a gradual [sometimes a continuous] process: from
According to my experience, it does not happen at the same time. Instead, it is a small improvement in small increments over different time periods. This is a gradual improvement. Some days I didn't even notice it. But people did start to comment that I looked better and seemed to be more calm. As time went by, I realized that they were right. I started to have strings and strings for good days. I began to build self-confidence and change my life outside of marriage. But I don't always think about it consciously. I am just moving forward because I feel much better.
But I never thought that one day, once I reach this threshold, there will be no conflict or pain in my life. I believe that I am indeed closed. But my life still has difficulties. Occasionally there are problems in my marriage, although I am well educated now, how to solve these problems immediately, lest they grow up. I sometimes feel pain from all aspects of life.
The difference is that I now realize that by solving these problems for myself, I will get better service. My husband doesn't always notice when I am not the happiest or the best. Moreover, even if he does this, he will not know how to best help me. But I know what to do. And because of all the work I do, when I have something wrong with my life, I will be very active. And I know that I have the ability to change what I can do and deal with things I can't do. And I believe this is closed, at least for me.
My definition: from
I am not an expert. But I heard a lot of people think they have problems because they have not closed. I think this is partly because they define it differently than mine. You can't undo what you do. You can't forget past or erase damage.
But this is what you can do. You can come to a very hard-won [but very precious] understanding, you can only control yourself. But if you learn to do well, you will have everything you need. Your happiness, your self-awareness, your self-confidence, and you know that you will be better - all of this comes from you.
Once you realize this and accept this power, then for me, you are already closed. Because the truth is, once you understand that no matter what happens to your marriage or your husband, you will still have the best self, then you can really close this chapter. Because you don't need someone else to act in some way to meet your needs. You can do it yourself. I know this sounds simple, but it is the best and most honest answer I have.
Closing really is about making a very conscious decision, you have to make yourself feel at ease. You don't need him, you definitely don't want to spend another moment in the existence of another woman. No one can give it to you or take it from you. No matter what happens next, you have turned off the knowledge in this chapter. Because you will be fine anyway.
Orignal From: Can it really be closed afterwards?
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